DCA – Diet Coke Anonymous

Ralph and Chris, Whipp partners, first began using Diet Coke when they took the Pepsi challenge in 1994 and Coke won. They desperately wanted to get out, but as the rewards points piled up the cost of quitting outweighed the benefit. They are most recently hoping to win a 60’’ plasma HDTV and a pair of Beats headphones. Coke caps, reward prizes, and bottles have begun to fill their offices, and hoarding has become an issue. As the Whipp partners have begun to realize they have a problem, they decided to start their very own, Diet Coke anonymous club.

Here our the notes from meeting #1:

As the meeting started, Ralph voiced his concern that there is a secret addictive substance in the Diet Coke.

“If it gets to body temperature it turns to formaldehyde… I have heard if you heat it up, it’s like embalming fluid… I think it contains aspartame.”

He rambled for 15 minutes, spouting out chemicals and biting his nails.

Without a Diet Coke in the last 15 minutes, Ralph became paranoid.

He drinks 76 diet cokes a day, minimum. He is in denial of his problem.

“I’ve nearly died in a car while you cut across traffic to get into a gas station to get a Diet Coke,” voiced a friend of Ralph.

Chris has cut back to only 49 cans of Diet Coke a day. He has become a zombie. He didn’t talk at all in the meeting, but sipped on an invisible can of Diet Coke.

If there are other people out there with a Diet Coke addiction, we want to know because we are convinced, there is something addicting in Diet Coke and believe your information can help save Ralph and Chris.